Ophelia
by Jamaica
Summary: Kenshin is missing someone terribly. Yaoi. KS.


**Author's Notes:** Rurouni Kenshin belongs Watsuki Nobuhiro. The song "Ophelia" belongs to The Band. Wow, my _Pieces of Paper_ series cross fandoms. I heard "Ophelia" and had the idea, but by the time I finished writing this story, I realized that the plot had ran pretty far away from the song. Oh well, it's still a song-inspired fic. If you think the lyric doesn't match, read the story without it. It makes sense, I promise. I've never written a story like this before. First time in the waters of second person contemplation. I think it turned out pretty nicely. ;-)

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**Pieces of Paper **

**"Ophelia"**

_Boards on the window  
__Mail by the door  
__What would anybody leave so quickly for?  
__Ophelia  
__Where have you gone?_

I pick up a stray leaf from the floor of the dojo. It's reddish-brown color glows transparent under the sunlight. It reminds me of the large tree by the riverbank in autumn. The same tree I stood under when I said good-bye to Kaoru-dono on the eve before Kyoto. The same tree Yahiko practiced under when he asked me to show him the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu. The same tree where I spent countless nights lying under, listening to the songs of crickets while you stood against the trunk, the silence between us comfortable and perpetual.

It reminds me of you.

I sigh as I drop the leaf back down. Not to the floor again, of course, but onto the pile near the door. Yahiko had spent his morning cleaning the yard. It is afternoon now. He went to visit Tsubame right after lunch. Can't blame him; the boy has grown up. So has his love. You should see her now – Tsubame – she has become quite the beauty. Amazing what time can do.

How long has it been? Close to a year? Ten months, maybe? I remember the day you left Tokyo for the first time, running from the police. I didn't realize what you mean to me then. We were friends. Comrade-in-arms. I had let you go without a single extra thought.

I wanted to protect Kaoru-dono more.

It turned out to be much different than I had expected. After everyone's departure, I realized we had traced back to the beginning. It was Kaoru-dono and I again, but the circumstances had changed. I no longer was the rurouni who had the one goal of redeeming my sins. She no longer was the innocent and determined young woman defending her family's honor. We had seen too much, experienced too much together, to stay separate under one roof.

Or so I had thought.

She kept her distance for the first few weeks. The hints were still easy to pick up, despite her effort to conceal them. I didn't have any objections. It was the most natural thing to take place. A small step toward the inevitable direction of our delicate relationship. There were no more distractions, whether from the ghosts of my past or anyone else desiring to test the Battousai. We had the perfect chance.

Kaoru-dono took it. She was ready. I thought it was the logical, and correct, path to take.

It wasn't until one gorgeous night, when Kaoru-dono hesitantly stepped into my room with a message clearly showing through her posture, that I realized how wrong the logic was.

_The old neighborhood just ain't the same  
__Nobody knows just what became of  
__Ophelia  
__Tell me, what went wrong_

She slipped beside me onto the floor. I welcomed her. We did nothing for a few minutes, just assessing each other's auras. She then moved, slowly taking the sakabatou from my hands and putting it away. I watched her as she crept closer, her hands dangerously close to my heart.

It was when we started to undress each other that I began to feel the rise of unease. I dismissed it as nervousness. I had not been in the same bed with a woman since I was married, and that was a decade ago. My lack of comfort did not seem out of ordinary. However, as we were moving onto the futon, I discovered that I did not have any desire to start at all. I should at least want to kiss her. She was the woman I protected with my life, the woman I should wed. But I felt absolutely nothing.

My confusion was utterly irritating me. She must have sensed this, for she stopped and asked me what was the matter. I didn't know the answer. So I searched within myself for the love and passion I had for Tomoe. Searched for the spark that would ignite my heart once again.

I found the image of you.

The thought had scared me, I admit. It scared me so much that I remained motionless long enough to cause Kaoru-dono worry. She repeated her question, asking me what was the matter. In the end, I could only smile. How could I answer her? How could I even begin to convey the idea?

She left my room early that night. I was in no condition to sleep. I spent the hours sitting in meditation, trying to sort out my thoughts and feelings.

Trying to figure out how did I manage to miss such an important fact.

The answer wasn't that I was oblivious. On the contrary, I was too observant. The repenting of my sins had led me to watch every single thing I do, making sure again and again it was the right thing. The just thing. I had ignored the voice in the back of my head, in the depth of my heart, whispering words of truth from the dark small corner I put aside along with my past.

Where your image lay dormant. Sleeping. Waiting for daybreak.

I suddenly wanted to see you again. The desire gnawed at me from the depth of my bones, engulfing me quickly in its flame.

Luckily, fate must have been watching. Three weeks later, you came back to Tokyo. 

_Was it somethin' that somebody said?  
__Mama, I know we broke the rules  
__Was somebody up against the law?  
__Honey, you know I'd die for you_

I hardly even recognized you when I opened the dojo door. The familiar white outfit you wore was gone. You were dressed in a loose blue shirt and black pants to match, the character of Evil still shining out of the fabric. The red bandanna was replaced with a white stripe. Your hair was longer, even more shaggy-looking than I remembered. You still had all of your bandages.

But despite all the changes, you were still you.

Yahiko and Kaoru-dono were ecstatic about your return. They rushed past me to greet you. I simply stood by the side, dumbfounded from shock and something else. You noticed.

You decided to ignore it for the time being.

I remember those couple of months. Everything seemed to return to normal. Especially on occasions when Megumi came to visit. It was like the old days again, without the battles of life and death. We were a close family once more. It would've been peaceful, perfect, even, had I ignored my heart and listened to my head.

Yet I didn't. I let my pulse beat wildly whenever I'm around you. I let my fingers shake. I let my eyes wander to the ground. I let myself go.

Kaoru-dono had asked me several times about our previous incident. I offered nothing. She eventually stopped. The matter did not disappear, but it did go into hiding temporarily. I was relieved for at least a short while.

You were aware of everything. You dismissed them, pretending that Kaoru-dono and I were already married, just like everyone else. You had grown much more serious. You hid it well, playing the same part as before, but it showed in your eyes. I guess the world had opened itself to you during your travels.

My fondness of you grew with each passing day.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. One day, we had just finished lunch. Kaoru-dono left the dojo with Yahiko behind her, off to training. You stood up, heading toward the back, where the sleep quarters were. I followed you.

You nearly slammed the door on my face. But I still had faster reflexes than you. I stopped the flying wood panel. You stiffened as I stepped in the same room as you, your shoulders taut. You clearly knew why I was there.

I was a bit beyond caring at that point.

_Ashes of laughter  
__The ghost is clear  
__Why do the best things always disappear  
__Like Ophelia  
__Please darken my door_

What's up? you asked, trying to sound normal and relaxed.

I smiled to myself. Nothing, I replied, surprised by the hoarseness in my voice. Keeping my eyes on a nonexistent spot in front of me, I walked carefully up to your distraught back. You remained immobile as I slowly slid my fingers up and down your spine.

Kenshin . . . you whispered.

I heard your breath hitch as I touched a soft spot. I ran my fingers in circles over the same place, and felt your knees shaking, just slightly. I moved closer and buried my face in the back of your shirt, right against the symbol of Evil. Your hands curled into fists reflexively.

You suddenly took in a deep breath and spun around, walking out of my range of comfort at the same time. Kenshin, you said, stop. This isn't right, this isn't supposed to happen. It can't happen!

Why not? I asked quietly.

You gave me a look. I don't want to betray Kaoru.

You're not, I said.

Yes I am! you shouted. And this is wrong! You're just, just confused. Scared of the marriage. You don't . . .

I don't? What do you know about what I don't want?

You had no retort to that. You don't want it, Kenshin, you repeated. This isn't what you should want –

What I should want. What I _should_ want? I felt anger. Partly at you, partly at the work I did to give everyone ideas about what I should or should not do. It must've shown on my face, for your eyes widened when you saw my expression. I took a few more steps toward you. The distance between us shrunk, and you stepped back quickly to avoid confrontation. But you're clumsy; you always were. You tripped over the edge of the tatami mat and landed heavily on it. Your eyes never left my face.

I remember your eyes. Your mouth lied, so did your actions, but your eyes were telling me the truth. I saw fear in their liquids, I saw guilt, but I also saw the heated passion, the wanton desire, and the thinly restrained eagerness all mixed together.

I knelt down next to you. Your immediate reaction was to put a hand on my chest and push me away. I caught your wrist, to your surprise, and I leaned in quickly to kiss you. You gasped into my mouth, but you didn't pull back immediately, like I had feared. After a couple of seconds, I opened your lips with my tongue and started tasting the inside of your warm mouth.

You pulled away then, but not before I heard you moan in your throat. Kenshin . . . you whispered, averting my presence by looking toward the right wall of the room.

Don't tempt me, you pleaded.

Upon hearing that, I burst into laughter.

_Was it somethin' that somebody said?  
__Honey, you know we broke the rules  
Was somebody up against the law?  
__Honey, you know I'd die for you_

You looked at me as if I had gone insane. Maybe I had right then. I didn't realize my own heart was at the opening of my throat until it dropped back to its proper place after hearing your request. I rocked back on my heels and sat down. My laughter stopped, but I still had on a smile.

I don't think you understood my laughter then. I don't think you understand even now. It doesn't matter. I can't really express to you the depth of my fear back then. The combined fear of how intense my emotions were, how scared I was of your rejection, how utterly clueless I was when I started the chain of events. I'm sure I wasn't shaking any less than you were that day.

But your plea showed me that you wanted me as much as I wanted you. It was the thought of Kaoru-dono that impeded you, and the fact that someone like me shouldn't have such a scandalous reputation. You forget, that my past was much much more dirtier than the present situation.

It is too late, I replied.

You managed to look me in the eye again. I put my hands on my folded knees, waiting for your reaction. You studied me for a good while. Were you reassessing your options? Or were you gathering courage?

Either way, I waited patiently for your decision. Finally, you moved towards me, pushing yourself with your hands. I felt your breath gently caressing my lips. Your kiss was hesitant, but I was already lost. Lost in the overwhelming sensation coursing through my body. The heat from you was making me dizzy.

Your hand came up to touch my cheek. Your fingers brushed against my scar, tracing its shape without leaving my skin. Soon, your lips left mine and moved on to my jawbone, then to the juncture between my ear and neck. By the time I felt you nipping close to the hollow of my throat, my breaths had become uncannily loud. I wrapped my arms around you, and we rolled down onto the floor.

We made love like crazy on that sunny afternoon. Our pace was borderline frantic, as we were both afraid of Kaoru-dono's return. But neither one of us were willing to let it end smoothly. There was too much pent-up energy that needed release. Too much emotion needed to be expressed. In the end, I was left only with the strength to gasp, while all you could manage was rolling to your side and haphazardly drape a sheet over our naked bodies. We lay exhausted on the dojo floor, counting out the seconds until we could move again.

When Kaoru-dono and Yahiko came back, I was fully dressed. You were wrapping bandages around yourself, covering up your midsection as always. I wanted to touch you more, so I took the bandages from your hands and continued your job. You ran your fingers through my hair as I leaned over you, leaving kisses among the strands.

Kaoru-dono saw us. I guess we meant for it to happen, because we could have cleaned up completely before her arrival, not leaving a trace of evidence behind. She didn't seem at all surprised. I think she even smiled a little, a tender and mirthless grin.

It confirmed our status as lovers for the next eleven weeks. 

_They got your number  
__Scared and runnin'  
__But I'm still waitin' for the second comin'  
__Of Ophelia  
__Come back home_

Now, you're gone again. I certainly do not know why. Is it just in your nature to travel in this world? Am I not good enough to make you stay?

I hear bits and pieces of information from Saitou. The police is onto you again, it seems. Is that the reason you left one morning without leaving anything behind? Not even a good-bye, no, you like to suddenly disappear. Forever unpredictable, you are.

I walk to the center of the yard, stand under the bright sunlight, and feel the leaves swirling around my feet. It's been almost a year, and there are no traces of you. I know you're not dead, you can't be. The police can do nothing to you if you don't want them to, and you know this. So why did you run this time? Do I not mean anything to you?

You are wearing me thin. I should give up, should have married Kaoru-dono a long time ago. I guess you are right about the "should-not-happen" part of this relationship. But I don't regret it. Yes, your impulsiveness is quite challenging. Yes, you are still scared. You never got over that completely. You are looking for any chance, any excuse to stop. You don't want to, but your fear has overpowered your true wish.

It does not make me change how I feel about you.

The seasons are passing. It is going to be winter soon. I will need warmth, not the one from the heating of the stove, but another kind. I want the presence of your fire. I want it to consume me wholly, burn me until there is nothing left but ashes.

I know you're out there somewhere, and you're listening to this heart's message. Come back, Sano. You can't leave me here forever.

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End file.
